Sry I called you an 8
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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