She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we have pet lesbian snakes
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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