You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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