Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
