Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
