let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
