I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
