I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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