That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
