how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
