Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
