I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
