I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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