Do you still have your period?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
