He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
