The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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