Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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