There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
