we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
