I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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