3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
