whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
