I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
