Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
