Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
