You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
