Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
