Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The adults are the big ones right?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
