He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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