His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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