So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
