I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
