the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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