Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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