the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
