Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
