tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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