If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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