I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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