Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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