So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
