thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
