Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
