Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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