yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
