Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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