Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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