Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
