Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
