someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
