We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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