I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
