Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
