somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
