its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
