i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
