Can i not drive my cunt home
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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