Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
