I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
